327.2

Yep, you read that right. 327.2 That's how much I currently weigh in pounds. I am so disappointed in myself. I hurt my leg a year ago, and totally let myself go. This ends now.


Yesterday, I went to see the Metabolic Weight Loss doctors at my clinic. Dr. Timsina was so kind and knowledgeable. He treated me like a human, not a number and definitely not the number on the scale.  We had a good discussion, and we have a plan. He also diagnosed me with something called Lipedema. I have a general idea of what it means, but I need to do more research to discuss it logically here on my blog.


Saturday, I will start a combination of Metformin and Phentermine to aid my journey. I'm also starting the steps needed to get cleared for Gastric Sleeve Surgery. I'm not 100% sold on surgery, but we decided it was better to start the process now, and be in the system, than decided 4 months down the road and have to start the process over again. To that end, I'll be going to see Sleep Apnea again and getting compliant with that too.


This is not an easy fix process. It's going to take work. I will have good days, and bad. I know this, and I am heading into the future with clear eyes. My hope is, that by documenting my journey, I will see where I came from on the bad days and remind myself that it's going to be worth the struggle in the end and celebrate my victories as they come.


Join me, if you will, on my journey to a healthier me.


Starting weight: 327.2lb
Ultimate Goal : Below 200lb
First Bench Mark: 10% Loss - 294.48lb (32.82 lb loss)
Benchmark Goal Date 9/4/19 (17 weeks, 2 lbs per week)
Second Benchmark Goal: additional 10% Loss - 265 lb (62.2 lb loss total)
Second Benchmark Goal Date 11/27/19 (My Birthday)

Depression, a Diet’s Worst Nightmare…

I am depressed. I have been since I returned from San Francisco in January, and I’m trying like hell to get over/past/through it. I know what many of the contributing factors to my depression are, and oddly enough my weight isn’t one of them. In fact, I’m feeling pretty good about my progress, although I have to admit I would like it to move faster. I just keep reminding myself I didn’t put the weight on over night, so I can’t expect it to come off that way either. You know the whole thing about eating that elephant right?

The biggest issue with my depression is that it’s starting to take a toll on my menu choices. I find comfort in food. There, I said it. Admitted out loud what I have known inside for ages. Sweet, chewy, gooey, sticky stuff makes me think that it makes me feel better. In all actuality, it makes me feel worse.

Not only is there the guilt of going off plan, but there are the actually physical side effects of the junk too. I get bloated and nauseas, my head starts to ache and I feel shaky, then there is the fatigue, that horrible sugar crash where all you want to do is put on your fat pants and go to bed.

All of this adds up to unwanted, unneeded calories and a lack of exercise. I feel as if I have fallen into a deep, dark cavern with only the tiniest amount of light showing way up at the top. I’m all alone, and beating the crap out of myself as I try to find an escape. I know I can do it, I can see the light, but I’m so afraid and confused I wonder if I’ll ever make it.