Baby Steps

Day 5, Full strength of Phentermine

Today is the big day. I started the full-strength dose of Phentermine. I took it at about 915 am with breakfast. By 945, I’m starting to feel pain in my chest. Not sure if it’s heart burn, which seems to have reared its ugly head the last week or so, or the meds. Only time will tell. I’m also taking the Metformin every night with dinner.

I haven’t weighed in yet. I’m afraid of the scale. That was a really big number last week. The biggest ever. I know I need to weigh in at least weekly. But it’s so very degrading and disheartening. I look in the mirror, and all I see is a fat, middle aged, lonely woman. I know I am so much more than that, but it’s what I see. Part of this journey will be about retraining my brain to see what other’s claim to see in me. It’s not going to be easy. In fact, it may be the hardest thing I have ever done.

I’ve been tracking my food, or at least trying to, but that is also discouraging. The system I’m using, NOOM, is frustrating me. I’m making healthy choices, but I run out of calories before dinner. I don’t think I’ll continue past the free trial. Besides, $129.00 every four months is a lot of money. I’m better off buying a food journal on Amazon and using that money on a decent pair of walking shoes.

Okay, I did it. I went to the workout room at work and got on the scale. 323.  I’m okay with this. Now if I can just keep it up. 4.2 lbs in a week. Probably a bit fast to be sustainable, and it’s also most likely water weight, but I'll take it.

Meds, Day 1

Today, I start my new medications. I’ve been prescribed 37.5 mg of Phentermine and 750 mg of Metformin. Dr. T. recommended that I start with a half a pill of the Phentermine for the first six days, and then move to the full dose. So, for today, I start with 18.75 mg of Phentermine. Tomorrow I’ll add the Metformin.

I took the first ½ pill when I got to work, about and hour after breakfast as directed. So far, the side effects are not too bad, other than my heart is racing, and I feel like I’m buzzing.  If I remember correctly from the first time I was on this med, this feeling will even out eventually. 

At the appointment on Tuesday, Dr. T suggested that I may have something called Lipedema.

Lipedema is a chronic condition that manifests as a symmetrical buildup of painful fat and swelling in. the arms and legs, sparing the hands and feet. It occurs almost exclusively in women and is poorly understood

I’ll be doing some independent research on this. In some ways it makes sense, but in others it does not. Curious to see how or if this effects the journey.

I can’t seem to focus, another side effect of the phentermine, so I’ll sign off for now. More on this later.

327.2

Yep, you read that right. 327.2 That's how much I currently weigh in pounds. I am so disappointed in myself. I hurt my leg a year ago, and totally let myself go. This ends now.


Yesterday, I went to see the Metabolic Weight Loss doctors at my clinic. Dr. Timsina was so kind and knowledgeable. He treated me like a human, not a number and definitely not the number on the scale.  We had a good discussion, and we have a plan. He also diagnosed me with something called Lipedema. I have a general idea of what it means, but I need to do more research to discuss it logically here on my blog.


Saturday, I will start a combination of Metformin and Phentermine to aid my journey. I'm also starting the steps needed to get cleared for Gastric Sleeve Surgery. I'm not 100% sold on surgery, but we decided it was better to start the process now, and be in the system, than decided 4 months down the road and have to start the process over again. To that end, I'll be going to see Sleep Apnea again and getting compliant with that too.


This is not an easy fix process. It's going to take work. I will have good days, and bad. I know this, and I am heading into the future with clear eyes. My hope is, that by documenting my journey, I will see where I came from on the bad days and remind myself that it's going to be worth the struggle in the end and celebrate my victories as they come.


Join me, if you will, on my journey to a healthier me.


Starting weight: 327.2lb
Ultimate Goal : Below 200lb
First Bench Mark: 10% Loss - 294.48lb (32.82 lb loss)
Benchmark Goal Date 9/4/19 (17 weeks, 2 lbs per week)
Second Benchmark Goal: additional 10% Loss - 265 lb (62.2 lb loss total)
Second Benchmark Goal Date 11/27/19 (My Birthday)

And she's back!

Hi There!
If you are reading this, then you have stumbled across (or been lead kicking and screaming) my blog. I have struggled with weight loss for years and years and years and, well you get the picture. I have tried every “diet” and miracle pill out there. I suffered through Slimgenics and Weight Watchers, Plexus and just about every fad diet out there, hating myself a little bit more every time someone else around me lost and/or I gained.
When I started this journey I didn’t know that I have PCOS, or Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. PCOS is a metabolic condition which has among many other nasty symptoms (that I won’t bore you with right now) a difficulty or flat out inability to lose weight. Now that I know, it just makes me that much more frustrated. I also suffer from chronic fatigue, asthma, Fibromyalgia, and all over body pain.
I would lose and gain, lose and gain and gain the same pounds over and over again. And I hated myself for it. I fell down a deep dark rabbit hole of self-loathing and depression that I am only just now beginning to crawl out of. Somewhere along the way, my sister suggested Plexus. Desperate, I tried it. I was faithful, but I guess it wasn’t the right time, because nothing was happening. I grew frustrated, and quit; like I quite every other diet or weight loss program I tried.
At some point, I devolved a condition called Spinal Stenosis, and also managed to herniate a disk. For a year I was in constant pain that got worse any time I stood up for more than 3-5 minutes, or tried to walk more than about 2 blocks. So, how does one lose weight when you can’t even exercise? I resolved to try Plexus again.  This time, I had a better understanding of what Plexus is, and how the supplements work.
You see, Plexus isn’t a diet. It’s not even specifically marketed for weight loss. It’s a Healthy Living plan that often has the added benefit of weight loss. I personally hadn’t experienced the weight loss benefit, but I have seen it happen for many, many people, including my sister. So I jumped right back on the Plexus band wagon, I even let her talk me into becoming an Ambassador so that I could sell the stuff and make enough money to pay for my product. Yeah right! Nothing. No weight loss, no curbed cravings, no improved energy. And no sales. I told myself that I was a failure before I even gave myself a chance.
I stumbled along for a year or so, trying to get more exercise, doing my best to eat right and watching the number on the scale grow. Frustration mounting, depression deepening. I closed myself off from writing and avoided spending time in public. I avoided mirrors and shopping as much as possible. In February of 2018, I decided to start fresh. I went on vacation, fully intending to start a new exercise and food plan upon my return.

One day into my trip, I tripped. Literally. I tripped over a tent rope and ended up tearing all of the ligaments and the meniscus in my right knee. I have spent the last 8 months fighting with surgeons to get my knee repaired, having surgery, and recovering from that. Now I am on the mend, and ready to start this journey once again.
So, if you have read this far, thanks for sticking with me. Hopefully, this blog will help me keep accountable. Sit back, buckle in, and enjoy the ride.

Lost and Found

Good day gentle reader. I have returned. My Slimgenics train derailed when I wasn't loosing any weight, so I joined a gym. I gained, loss, gained, had surgery and lost and gained again...I have discovered many things since my last post and I'll be sharing them here for the world to see in the next few weeks. I was lost, but I have found my way once again. You may notice a change in the title of my blog soon; because just like my weight loss journey I am relaunching my blog. TTFN